Making up your mind about what to write is harder for some people than others. After 30 days of following a challenge, getting told what to write, I just couldn’t come up with anything to write about. Sure, I probably have enough things to say – but anything that other people would want to read about? Probably not. Some people just seem to have the talent to woo others with their writing, getting thousands of followers, without really having anything to say. I wish I had that talent. No, I don’t mean that I want thousands of readers,but I want to be able to express myself in a way that people like – maybe that would make writing easier.

It’s been way to long now, and I’ve been planning to write many times, but to sit down and actually write my thoughts has been hard. I sit by my computer for several hours each day, studying, playing games, reading, but I just havn’t been able to open my blog and write a new entry. I’ve been thinking that I’ll do it the next day, or after this game, or when this episode of Naruto is over… It just never happens. I put the pro in procrastination.

It’s been like that with a lot of things in my life lately. Things I usually love doing has become hard to do. Small things that should be done is pushed aside. I let the dishes pile, the laundry can wait till the basket overflows, I don’t need to eat yet, in four hours it’s time for supper…

Even getting up every morning is hard. I can lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking that I don’t need to get up yet, there is no reason to, there is nothing that needs to be done. I just don’t see the reason to get up in the morning. I can have my instruments lying in the chair, ready for me to practice on, but I keep doing other things, unimportant things like staring at the TV, not thinking, instead of playing. I used to love playing, but now it just doesn’t give the same happiness it used to. I have to force myself to read, whether it’s schoolbooks or novels. I love learning, I love living in another world as I read about other people, characters in amazing stories, but I just can’t make myself do it.

According to my physician it’s a sign of depression. I’ve been well for a couple of years now, at least it’s felt like it, but the last months has just gotten worse and worse. Procrastinating, not feeling happiness in my favorite things… But hey, this can get its own entry, right? I’ve gotten off topic.

I was supposed to talk about my procrastination. In one way it’s my way of saying sorry for not writing. I’ve had people ask if I’d write more soon, and it’s nice to know that some people want to read this. So I’m saying sorry to you, and I’m saying sorry to myself for procrastinating everything. Trying to keep my blog going might be a good thing, just to work on making myself do things. It’s kinda bad that I’m a little proud of myself because I finally did this.

So yeah, ideas for topics might be nice? PM me, leave a comment, whatever. (I really make it sound like I’d have a lot of readers, don’t I?) At least I can try to fill a couple of posts with what I’ve done that last two years, I’m sure there are someone out there who would like to read it. I’m looking at you, nee-chan. 

Well, that’s it for now. Write you later.


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